


You're my life person

by howtodothis



Series: late night confessions [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I think? may be parts, Late Night Conversations, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, One Shot, SnowBaz, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-23 02:24:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21312637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtodothis/pseuds/howtodothis
Summary: It's winter and Baz, as always, loves Simon Snow more than his own life.Simon is just trying to be honest for once.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: late night confessions [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1536424
Kudos: 30





	You're my life person

“Can I kiss you?” 

It’s a small question. Just four simple words put together to make one small question. Still, the cold air catches them and they're enough to make Baz's heart skip more than a few beats. Enough to fill his body with heat buried deep inside him in this cold, dreadful weather. Baz wants to say yes right away, shout yes actually. Let everyone inside and outside of the party hear him finally shout yes. He wants to shout yes and embrace Simon’s love, but he doesn’t. He just looks up at the dark sky above them and lets out a spiteful, ironic laugh. The laugh he’s been using since the moment he met Simon. 

“Hah, and why would I let you do that? You don’t want that,” He answers spitefully, looking at Simons offended look. “You’re tired and drunk and are saying stupid things like you always do. You should just get back inside and drink a glass of water” He spites again, trying to make his disinterested look even better. He wants nothing more than to run away at this moment, but he can't. Simon is blocking his only way inside again and now his only option is to make him run away instead.

“No, no, but I want to, I want” Simon stutters, his words slurred and lazy while working their way out of his mouth. He frowns at himself in disappointment and stands up a little straighter to try again. “I do want to kiss you.” He says clearly now. Stacking each syllable carefully after each other to show that he isn’t drunk. Well, he is drunk, but not too drunk. He could stand on one foot if he was asked and he doesn't think he's making a bad decision by asking. He’s actually pretty certain he isn’t making a bad decision. This is a good one, his soul basically tells him.

A deep silence follows his words and you can hear the winter. You can hear everything, including the nervous breaths of both of them. You can hear the sounds of cars honking so far away that it almost sounds soothing. The sound of every single snowflake hitting the thin layer of already white snow on the pavement. Baz used to love silence like this. He used to cherish the free time it gave to just think, or play, or to just be sometimes. He has always searched and waited for silences like this whenever the winter would come. Now, he has never hated something more than it. 

“You wanted to kiss me before too, you know.” He eventually mumbles to his dressing shoe, breaking the silence while scuffing some snow off one of them with his other foot. Just to be occupied. To do something else than look Simon in his eyes, because he can’t do that. He would probably lose himself like he did last time and he can’t afford the train fare to get out of this city if he did lose himself again. So he stares at his shoes and waits for an answer. 

“Yeah but then I didn’t, and now I want to.” Simon tries again, he almost begs again with persistence in his muffled words covered in a slightly alcoholic breath.

“Yeah, that’s just like last time. You didn’t want to kiss me until you did and then you didn’t, and now you do, and tomorrow you won’t. Can’t you see how extremely confusing it is for me? How much you hurt me by doing these things, knowing how I feel? Knowing how I have felt?" Baz lifts his eyebrows at Simon before continuing. "It’s confusing and hurtful and unnecessary, and I won’t go through it again. Not now Snow.”

He's out of breath now, and he can see the white smoke following his tired words after he is finished. He still won't look Simon in his eyes but has removed them from his shoes to the view over Simon's shoulders. It would’ve been a beautiful night if it weren’t for the crushing pain in his heart.

“No, not like last time.” Is all Simon answers and Baz laughs again. Still as spiteful as before.  
Simon is kind of hurt by that again, but he doesn’t know what else to say. He can't find the words he wants to say. To be real, all he actually wants to do is, to be honest. He doesn’t want to stay silent and he doesn’t want to drape the truth in any whiter lies than he has been doing since the moment he met the boy in front of him. 

This dreamingly, heartachingly beautiful boy who he knows he has hurt before. This boy whom Simon can't take his eyes off. The boy of his dreams. No that’s not quite right. It’s like he doesn’t exist. But he does. Baz exists and is standing in front of him, refusing eye contact. Baz is the boy... Baz is the boy of his life maybe. His life person. And Simon wants to be honest with him, but he can’t.  
He just can’t. 

“Sure” Baz answers with another cruel laugh. 

Simon takes a deep disappointed breath again. Is he ready to toss all his lies out of the window? He thinks so? He could just send them on a flight to Nicaragua and never use them again. He tries to steady his voice and speaks again. “No, not sure. I mean it. I want to kiss you and I think I want to kiss you more than one time, like more than just now.”

“You aren’t gay” 

“No, no I don’t think I am,” Simon answers and Baz opens his mouth to interrupt again, but he literally gets a hand in his face to let Simon finish. “but do I have to be gay to kiss you? Can’t I just kiss you? I mean,” Simon sighs, his shoulders following his movement before he continues, “I mean,” he repeats, on the brink of giving up. But he can't really give up can he? “can’t I just kiss you?” he asks again.

“How can I know that this won’t be like last time? You’ve said SO many times that you wanted to be with me at that time. That you wanted to kiss me. That you wanted to hold me. " Baz feels his eyes wet but fights to get the last of the sentence out before he actually breaks. "How do I know that you won't run away with another person and never look at me again? Please tell me how Snow” 

"Trust me?" 

"Trust you? Hah! Congratulations, I think you're the worst liar I've ever met." Baz answers spitefully again and turns his back to Simon to wipe a tear from his cheek. 

“Because, because It’s not the first time I’ve wanted to kiss you,” Simon says. Sending his old lies on yet another plane.

“No shit Sherlock, you wanted to kiss me that time a long time ago too, I know!” Baz says to the air. 

“No!” Simon shouts. He finally shouts. This makes Baz turn around again in surprise. Finally meeting his eyes, and for the first time, realizing that tears are running down his cheek too.

“Can’t you understand? You're supposed to be the smart one, and still, you’re so fucking thick." Simon continues. He practically screams, and Baz's body stills. It looks like he finally is starting to believe Simon. Good, he thinks before continuing "After that, you numpty. I’ve thought about it countless times after that night. I've thought about it when I wake up. when I eat. Every time I see you! I think about you all the time and it's ruining me! It may have taken me ages to realize," He says before taking yet another breath to steady his voice again. "It may have taken me ages to realize, but all I’ve ever wanted really is to be with you. To love you and to care for you. To laugh with you and to cry with you. I want it all. And I know that I don’t deserve it all. I don't deserve your bloody attitude, or that smile you only use with the ones you really love, which I'm lucky enough to have seen. I don’t deserve it, I know. But like, you’re it for me right now. You're the sun and the stars and the moon, and I am crashing into you at full speed, and I don’t want to stop. You always keep my feet to the ground and never disappear from my life. And I need you"

The last words are barely whispered, but still loud enough for every single beating heart around to hear them. 

“I want you either if you still want me or not Baz. You are my life person”

"What?" Baz whispers back. The silence is throbbing and he's too afraid that if he shouts like he wants to, it will scare the words that just came out of the love of his life's mouth.

"I love you Baz, and I want you and you’re my life person. I don’t even need to be your person, but you’re mine and you need to know that.” Simon says, his eyes are completely blank from held in tears. “I need you to know that" 

“You are” Baz answers before he can stop the words coming out of his mouth. Simon meets his eyes again and stares blankly at him in utter shock. 

“What?”

“My life person too. You’re mine too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, so I originally wrote this without any characters just for writing I guess, but then the characters suddently fit so well into Snowbaz and then I wanted them to have a confession scene that I've never read before and yeah this happened. It's really short and I may write a prequel or sequel? If you like it I guess. If you did, please like and comment<333


End file.
